*Newly* Update Query

Well, I feel as I have touched this thing up at least 44 times by now, but still polishing it up.

Author Jane Kindred recently critiqued my query and helped me fix up some things.  Let me know what YOU think?  All feedback is appreciated.  Enjoy.

Dear __________,



Forget Christianity.  As a matter of fact, forget every religion that humans believe in.  There is only one God per universe, and ours can't keep up with the ever-increasing population rate, while still attempting to manage the evil that plagues our world.  He has created a system that can, or so he thought. 

In 2006, an armed robbery critically injures Clayton and takes the life of his six-year-old brother, Joey.  Clayton struggles to find meaning in life while dealing with the loss of his brother and absence of a father, whom he lost earlier to cancer.  He is a self-proclaimed agnostic but desperately seeks closure regarding his little brother’s ill-timed death. 

Meanwhile, Joey’s soul begins the intricate process of reincarnation that is well hidden from today’s society.  Our God has created a multi-layered system that can automatically recycle souls, erase their previous life, and assign a new host and destination for their next life on Earth.  

Clayton, only eighteen years old, succumbs to the early stages of depression.  He turns to drugs and alcohol for immediate escape but constantly longs for the bond his family once had.  Only after discovering signs from a hidden afterlife, he realizes the family he yearns for can be recreated with his girlfriend, Brittney. 

God’s system is supposedly impeccable, but an erratic malfunction occurs in Purgatory (where the system is located).  Joey’s soul is accidentally sent into the body of Clayton’s newborn son.  This mistake will affect the entire world and only Clayton has the power to stop it, even if he doesn’t know it yet. 

PURGATORY is a found-footage novel about two worlds secretly coexisting as one, and one brother’s determination to finally solve life’s most sought-out question – what really happens after we die?  I would love to send you my Adult/Sci-Fi manuscript, PURGATORY, which is complete at 86,000 words.  PURGATORY is a standalone novel with series potential (Purgatory, Inferno, and Paradise).


Sincerely,

Random Andrews
RandomCAndrews@Gmail.com

UPDATED QUERY FOR PURGATORY

Dear __________,



Forget Christianity.  As a matter of fact, forget every religion that humans "believe" in.  There is only one God, and he can't keep up with the ever-increasing population rate while still attempting the manage the evil that has plagued our world.  He has created a system that can, or so he thought. 

In 2006, an armed robbery critically injures Clayton and takes the life of his six-year-old brother, Joey.  Clayton struggles to find meaning in life while dealing with the loss of his brother and absence of a father, who he lost earlier to cancer.  He is a self-proclaimed agnostic but struggles to find closure regarding his little brother’s ill-timed death.

Meanwhile, Joey’s soul begins the long process of reincarnation that is well hidden from today’s society.  There is only one God per universe.  And ours simply cannot keep up with the demand.  He has created a system that can automatically recycle souls, erase their previous life, and assign a new host and destination for their next life on Earth. 

Clayton, only eighteen years old, succumbs to the early stages of depression.  He turns to drugs and alcohol for immediate ecstasy but constantly longs for the bond his family once had.  Only after discovering signs from a hidden afterlife, he notices the family he yearns for can be recreated with his girlfriend, Brittney. Clayton purposely impregnates her, destroying her future in the process.

God’s system is supposedly impeccable, but an erratic malfunction occurs. Joey’s soul is accidentally sent into the body of Clayton’s newborn son.  This mistake will affect the entire world and only Clayton has the power to stop it, even if he doesn’t know it yet. 

PURGATORY is a found-footage novel about two worlds secretly coexisting as one, and one brother’s determination to finally solve life’s most notorious question – what really happens after we die?  I would love to send you my Adult/Sci-Fi novel, PURGATORY, which is complete at 86,000 words.  PURGATORY is a standalone novel with series potential (Purgatory, Inferno, Paradise).


Sincerely,

Random Andrews
RandomCAndrews@Gmail.com

The Writer's Voice Entry #165 - Purgatory by Random Andrews

 Entry #165

 Title - Purgatory by Random Andrews

Genre - Adult: Science Fiction

Query - An armed robbery critically injures Clayton Stockton and takes the life of his six-year-old brother, Joey.  Clayton struggles to find meaning in life while dealing with the loss of his brother and absence of a father, who he lost earlier to cancer.  He is a self-proclaimed agnostic but struggles to find closure regarding his little brother’s ill-timed death. Meanwhile, Joey’s soul begins the long process of reincarnation that is well hidden from today’s society.  There is only one God.  He cannot keep up with the ever-increasing population rate while still attempting to manage the evil that has plagued our world.  He has created a system that can automatically recycle souls, erase their previous life, and assign a new host and destination for their next life on Earth.

Clayton, only eighteen years old, succumbs to the early stages of depression.  He turns to drugs and alcohol for immediate ecstasy but constantly longs for the bond his family once had.  Only after discovering signs from a hidden afterlife, he notices the family he yearns for can be recreated with his girlfriend, Brittney. Clayton purposely impregnates her, destroying her future in the process.God’s system is supposedly impeccable, but an erratic malfunction occurs.  Joey’s soul is accidentally sent into the body of Clayton’s newborn son.  This mistake will affect the entire world and only Clayton has the power to stop it, even if he doesn’t know it yet.

The First 250 -

“Joey!  Get your fucking ass over here right now!”  Our mother, Sharon, screamed at my attention deficit disordered, six year old brother.  “Don’t make me tell you again.” 

It was Black Friday at Greenwood Park Mall and to say it was a bit over-crowded was an understatement.  Everyone has packed together like a cheap can of sardines, scavenging the mall for any type of sale or discount.  Our mother, who is never afraid to speak her mind, was scared she was going to lose Joey again, just like she did two years ago at the State Fair.  Memories of that chaotic scene played out in her head as she impatiently waited for Joey to return to her clammy, terrifying grip.

“Joey-- I am going to count to three.  If you are not next to me, I am going to spank your ass so hard–you won’t be able to sit on Santa’s lap until next year!” she yelled towards his direction.

Shocked shoppers, upset by our mother’s filthy mouth, stare off in disgust.  But Sharon’s cold eyes over-powered their judging attitudes, like an un-even battle in tug-of-war.  By now, Joey knew she was not playing.  This was exactly what happened to him when she finally found him two years ago.  He got his ass beat, welted, right in front of everyone.  However, Joey simply couldn’t help it.  The countless amounts of Christmas lights and holiday decor had caught his attention a little bit better than the lotions and candles our mom was shopping for at Bath and Body Works.

Current Agent Status

I believe right now I am at:  36 rejections - 1 Partial Request - 1 Full Request

Rejection

Did you know that “Dr. Seuss,” the wildly popular children’s author, was rejected by 27 publishers before a friend published his first book? Margaret Mitchell’s classic Gone With The Wind was rejected 38 times.

 The Help received 60 rejections!!

Kathryn Stockett, author of THE HELP states - "But letter number 61 was the one that accepted me. After my five years of writing and three and a half years of rejection, an agent named Susan Ramer took pity on me. What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60? Three weeks later, Susan sold The Help to Amy Einhorn Books."

Within a month of submitting the first manuscript to publishing houses, the creative team behind the CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL series got turned down 33 consecutive times. Publishers claimed that "anthologies don't sell" and the book was "too positive." Total number of rejections? 140. Then, in 1993, the president of Health Communications took a chance on the collection of poems, stories, and tidbits of encouragement. Today, the 65-title series has sold more than 80 million copies in 37 languages.

MASH the famous TV show inspired by a successful film, inspired by the novel, was rejected 21 times before seeing the light of day. 

If it hadn't been for Stephen King's wife, Tabitha, the iconic image of a young girl in a prom dress covered in pig's blood would not exist. King received 30 rejections for his story of a tormented girl with telekinetic powers, and then he threw it in the trash. Tabitha fished it out. King sent his story around again and, eventually, Carrie was published. The novel became a classic in the horror genre and has enjoyed film and TV adaptations as well. Sometimes all it takes is a little encouragement from someone who believes in you.

Where am I at?  Well I lost hope of keeping track but I should be somewhere around the fifteen rejection mark. 

Journey

This is a very frustrating journey.  I feel like these agents consider themselves some sort of rock star.  For one, I don't believe any of them really read query letters.  I could be wrong, and I hope I am but if you try to ask them any other question they just ignore you.

Rejection Status

Currently I am up to 8 rejections - - -

This is definitely a frustrating process. I know know that there is something I am doing wrong, so I am taking a week break from submitting query letters and fixing this.  Stay Tuned


xo

Random Andrews

Amazing Giveaway From Writer's Digest

This is amazing news. Writer’s Digest has 1 free pass to giveaway to a random commenter for a full registration pass at the 2012 San Francisco Writers Conference (Feb. 16-19, 2012). (Wow!!) Make sure you read this entire post to see all the details of the giveaway, as there are some things you need to do to formally enter. To enter, you will need to comment on this post, and spread the news a bit via social media.

Contest Details


This would be the best opportunity for me, simply because currently I am querying for my novel and not getting too much positive feedback. I would love to know what exactly I am doing wrong. If maybe I am taking the wrong approach, or missing a few key factors? I am a new author and just now learning the ropes. I need all the help I can get and this really would be like visiting Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, for me, at least during this period of my career.

Inside Purgatory - A Quote From "The Pope"

“Why do you two think that you can recycle souls and simply place them in new bodies dispersed throughout this world, with no issues at all? They are exhausted and they want their rest Jesus! Even without me, you cannot wash away a soul’s sins and expect them to be purified again. Even I know that. Souls aren’t Gods, neither directly or indirectly. They aren’t supposed to live forever, whether you want to disguise their previous lives by giving them a new host or not. One of these days your whole system is going to fail right beneath your eyes.” - "Pope Benedict"